The Power Within… Just Change Your Mind

Choosing to Live Well

Many of my readers have expressed to me how they enjoy my personal experiences that I’ve written about with family members and the lessons that I’ve learned from them. You know the lessons about growing up, setting examples, discipline, health habits, how to raise my kids and so much more. I’m pretty sure that my family is not much different than yours and when the expression “dysfunctional” is used, I think we can all agree that it’s a universal term that all of us can relate to in one way or another.

I’ve been holding back on sharing another life story, because I haven’t been sure how to use it well. I lost my only uncle on my mom’s side while we were on Spring Break. It was a sad time, yet a death that was a relief to finally have over. You see, my uncle was an unfortunate bearer of what’s often called “addiction.” I’m not into this article to debate whether addiction is a genetic or learned condition or to debate whether it is a disease or not. I’m here to discuss how addiction goes so much deeper and farther than the individual who has the problem.

My uncle became essentially an individual that I fight so hard through my business to keep out of the system, the health system. He smoked, drank and had eaten himself into a state of health that no one should ever have to experience. It’s taken all of my 43 years to understand that when someone is “addicted” they often don’t know any better. It’s taken me all these years to understand that “addiction” is fatal and only the extremely strong will ever be able to break that cycle. But mostly, it’s taken all these years to see how badly “addiction” can affect those who love them the most.

I had pretty much decided not to use my uncle’s story in an article until I recently spent some time talking to my mom about how everyone is doing after all the services and now that life is moving again in a forward motion. Only after talking to mom, did I decide that there is an article here and that it is totally about the living and choosing to die well.

I’d like to say that my uncle was not a bad man, the many addictions were! What I get out of his life continues with those he’s left behind. I think my aunt is amazing, even if I don’t agree with what’s she’s put up with all these years. I give credit and hugs to her for being able to keep the union of marriage intact. I can’t believe what she did to provide for her family and to care for him through everything until the end! Some of us might call it insane; I’d like to call it sacrifice. I’d like to call it love.

My aunt, who I remember being a beautician when I was a young girl (yes, every young girls perfect aunt), who also used to decorate the most awesome cakes (ok, now she’s cringing) made sacrifices all of her life; either for her husband or her kids. The sacrifice I’m talking about is her own health! She’s been unable to focus on herself in more years than I can remember, because it’s been all about her husband’s health and his addictions and before that it was all about her kids. But guess what? My mom told me that she is now moving forward! She has finally found the time to focus on herself and she’s started walking with a friend at work! You can’t imagine how proud I am that she is now able to take those steps forward and start a walking program. I know it’s just baby steps in her mind, but they are giant steps in her body’s mind, because it’s never too late to start! Every step she takes will allow her the strength she needs to gain her health back. She is choosing to live her life and to focus on herself now! Everything she does from this point forward, counts! It will all make a difference!

I loved my uncle but I didn’t love the way he chose to live his life. I believe health and fitness give us that opportunity to live well and die well. I believe only those left living understand the value of this, particularly when the one you love dies so badly. If anything good comes from what my uncle left behind is that now those who loved him will now begin to do what he should have done all those years ago and take care of themselves and break that “addiction” cycle. Break those bad health habits and choose to live well for all of your loved ones now!

Deborah Holmes

April 15, 2008