The Power Within… Just Change Your Mind

Have you given up?

So you’ve got a loved one who is obese (and/or a smoker, alcoholic, depressed, drug addict) and you’ve given up on them with regards to helping them become healthier. Not without good reason! You have honestly given it your all. You’ve dieted with them, you’ve supported their dieting, you’ve attempted to get them to exercise with or without you, you’ve purchased them workout shoes, health club memberships, workout videos, you’ve been to the doctors with them, you’ve consoled them, you’ve cried with them, you’ve loved them, you’ve challenged them, you’ve threatened them, and you’ve even attempted to scare them into getting themselves healthier. Now, finally you’ve given up on them.

Let’s go a step deeper into this dilemma, let’s change the health issue into something that we perceive as being much worse, something like cancer. Would you? Could you? Give up on that loved one under this medical condition? I’m suspecting that you’d never give up on a loved one who is fighting cancer. Then what is it and why is it, we eventually give up on this same person when it comes to obesity and practicing healthy habits? Here’s the discussion that I recently had with one of my girlfriends. It began with the complete and utter frustration over the fact that someone very special in her life doesn’t do anything to improve the obesity issue that has now become a sad and frustrating issue for the entire family.

She, like so many of us who care for loved ones who suffer from a specific health issue, finds herself disappointed in herself for not being able to make this person better. You know what she told me after allowing this subject matter to settle for a while? She told me that she shouldn’t be mad or disappointed in herself for giving up, because the person has already given up on themselves. If the person in question isn’t motivated enough or concerned enough about how their obesity is affecting everyone, then why should she be beating herself up over the feeling of “giving up?” It’s not her battle!

So we changed the conversation back to “cancer” and tried to understand the difference in the fight and the support that we would give. If it was something as terrible and life-threatening as “cancer,” the loved one would be “fighting the fight!” They’d be in treatment, they’d be doing what was expected and needed to win the battle and if they were fighting then we would be fighting with them. The energy, the time, the support, the emotions and the dedication wouldn’t matter and we’d never “give-up” on them, because they weren’t giving up!

So, I’m back to a philosophy that I discuss often in these articles, the power of the brain and the power of making up your mind to choose to be healthy. I know from the experience that I’ve obtained through being in the health and fitness industry, that I can’t make “that” difference in anyone’s life until that person makes up their own mind to make “that” change themselves. I have wasted more hours on people giving them the know-how and the structure towards changing their lives only to come to the realization that they aren’t going to do these things until they honestly “want” to do them, they’ve got to make up their own minds! I can talk about it and write about it until I’m “blue in the face” but I can’t make someone make the choice to be healthier and neither can you.

That’s where the frustration comes when we are discussing someone important in our lives. Most health issues are not as serious as “cancer” but they can be when it comes to the effects it has on families and friends. You can only do the best you can, by setting an example and living, loving and supporting (to the best of your ability) those loved ones. They are making the choice to not experience what living a healthier lifestyle can give them. Health and fitness are a personal choice and it’s up to each of us to decide to make that happen! None of us should ever give up!

Deborah Holmes

February 24, 2009